I *want* to be good.

My three year old is quite a handful most days. She's smart, curious, fearless and precocious, which means that on most days, she gets into something she's not supposed to be getting into. It doesn't matter that she's been told 564 times to not do this or get into that, she must. It's as if she can't help herself.

And then it's time for me to discipline.

Then she's repentant.

"I wanna be good, Mommy," she cries through tears and tangled curls.

During one of these scenes recently, I felt a nudge and heard it a little differently. Always before, it seemed she said this because she was trying to get out of trouble. As if the wanting to be good would cancel out the thing she'd done. Or perhaps I'd find her too charming to discipline.

But this time, it seemed that I heard her heart a little differently. Perhaps for the first time, I heard her the way she really meant it.

I want to be good, Mommy. My heart and soul long to do things that please you and make you happy. I want to be obedient. I don't want to do things that get me in trouble. I want to be... good.

Sounds an awful lot like my prayers.

I want to be a good Mommy. I want to be a good wife. I don't want to yell at my kids and I don't want to argue with my husband. I want to be a good Christian and really live out my faith in a way that leaves no doubt that Jesus is in my heart and is Lord of my life; however, so often, I fail and fall short. I fear I'll be known as a hypocrit instead. I want my flesh to die so that your light in me shines.

I wanna be good.

Did you hear that, God? I want to be good.

But I can't. Not on my own. I need You. Desperately. Deeply. I can't do life or marriage or mothering or Christian without You.

I've heard it said more than once, that God wants us to be at the point of desperately needing him. That when we're not enough, He comes and fills in the rest.

If that's the case, I should be right where He wants me.

* * * * * * * * * *

This post by Ann Voskamp is wow.

She talks about stretching in a way that is relevent in this season and to my season.

Just last night, I was talking with someone about the past year. I was saying that I've been stretched so much this year that I feel like a Gumby doll. I've been streched beyond my comfort zones. I've bitten my tongue. I've learned a lot about people, church and myself. This year, I've had a mirror put in front of me and a spotlight on all the areas in which I need to grow. It's been overwhelming most of the time and nearly all year, I've doubted that I'm in the right place at the right time.

Though God has tried to whisper, He had to pretty much shout it out to me this time. Oh that I would learn to listen to--and believe--that still, small voice.

I'm not sure what will come in the new year, but I have a sneaking suspicion that more stretching and more growing are definitely part of His plan. Perhaps, at some point, I will be good.

Encouragement

A few weeks ago, my best friend showed up at my house with corn chowder for a family in our church. My house was, to put it lightly, a hot mess. I was moving old clothes out, sorting through things for donation, you name it.

She said, "There's no judgment here." I thought, "Just wait 'till you come in."

My floors needed to be vacuumed. My sink was overflowing with dishes. Everything was everywhere. It looked as if a tornado had been set loose inside my house.

My pride took a huge hit that day. And actually, it took another 3 days later when my Mom and Aunt made a surprise visit.

My Mom came that weekend to help me paint our TV Room and Kitchen (pictures to come soon, I promise). I got things in order, but it's a daily battle to keep things looking presentable. I feel that I'm the only one who fights the Battle of Keeping the House Clean.

I came across this post and I can't tell you how encouraging it was. Even when our home projects aren't complete, we should appreciate the work we've done.

I keep replaying the words of this post over in my mind. I keep telling myself to keep striving. Little by little, this house will be what I want it to be: a haven for my family.

Well, I Blew It

So I blew it on the second day of NaBloPoMo. I had pulled up Blogger and had a post in mind, but a sleepy little girl took precedence. I fell asleep with her and missed the second day's post.

But the whole point of NaBloPoMo is to post more often, so that's what I'm aiming for.

Most of my posts are totally random. This one is no different.

I've been thinking about my health and my weight a lot lately. And I have to say, I've been encouraged by Wynonna Judd's story and how she's lost 55 lbs. I get her. I relate to her. And I think, wow, she's looking great.... wonder if I can, too?

This week, I posted a status that got LOTS of comments. Basically, I was asking for weight loss/better health tips. Wow. I was kind of surprised to have that many responses. But it has me thinking. What can I do now to help curb my calories? What physical activity/activities can I do to help me get moving?

If I had an extra $250, I'd buy my neighbor's like-new treadmill and do that. I'm in the mood to walk, if that makes any sense, but as I type this, we are experiencing freezing rain and may have our first snow tonight. And I'm a big ol' baby, so you're not gonna see me suck it up and walk in the freezing rain.

There was a lot of debate on my Facebook status about the right way to go about it. Some swear by South Beach. For others, it's Weight Watchers. Still others just count calories.

I dunno what to do.

I can tell you this: I have tried Weight Watchers at different points and have been very successful. I like the accountability. Dare I say, I need the accountability. But I hate paying $12 a week for the accountability, you know?

This year, I dabbled with the South Beach Diet for about a month. I lost 10 lbs. But I hit the wall at 10 lbs. I'd teeter between 8 & 10 pounds lost. I quit at Easter.

Although, I will say that I felt a lot better on the South Beach Diet.

Counting calories seems so daunting to me. I have no idea why, especially given that on Weight Watchers, to calculate the points value a food has, you look at the calories, fat and fiber.

Anyway, all told, to get back to my healthiest weight, I need to lose 53 pounds. I kind of feel like I'm David and the weight is Goliath. Add to that a wedding next October, and... GULP. Kind of scary. Definitely daunting. I don't know where to start, but I need to start somewhere, the sooner, the better.

NaBloPoMo?

National Blog Posting Month.

Am I up for it? Probably not.

But a lot has been on my mind, and so often, I think of things to say or even "write" a post in my mind, but it never makes it to the computer.

Perhaps that will change this November. We'll see.

Crazy, Extravagant Love

I've been wanting to share with you a story of God showing his crazy, extravagant love on me.

But, as we say in West Virginia, I got a wild hair to (finally) clean up our front living room. During the weeks that encompassed a consignment sale and illness (all 4 of us have had something), the living room and, really, the whole house went to hades in a hand basket, if you catch my drift.

The room is coming along nicely. While not finished, it's so much better than it was!

So, in addition to having a really cluttered house, our finances have been hit hard. Sometimes, you just don't have quite enough to get to payday. Such was the case last week.

That weekend, we went to the Pumpkin Festival as we do every year and I didn't go crazy. I have been wanting a nice wreath for the front door, but didn't find anything there that was a price I was willing to pay.

After we got home, I went to Home Goods and found one for a great price. For some odd reason, though, I didn't take it out of the box and display it on the front door. I also found some pumpkin colored towels, but didn't take the tags off or wash them.

Wednesday came and the gas gauge sat on E. We didn't have any money to get gas. None. Payday was Thursday, and until the check came through electronically, we were honest to goodness broke. The girls had been coughing and we had used all the cough medicine.

Then I thought of the wreath and towels. And I have to be honest, my heart sank a little. But then I thought, "They're just things and we need the money." In the parking lot, I said a quick prayer that said something like, God, I know these are just things. I only bought them to bless my house and make it a haven. But taking my girls to church to learn scriptures is more important than stuff. I trust You. Amen.

I get my money back and stop at the gas station just in time, as I would imagine we were running on fumes.

At church that night, someone came up to me and blessed me with a gift card. I don't want to say who got it, who gave it, or how much it was, but I will say, I was blown away. I cried. I was just... really, blown away.

I don't mean to say all this to make myself look all great or anything. That's not the point. The point is that God will provide for our needs. He knows our heart. He knows our needs and even our little wants that seem so insignificant to anyone else but us.

Lessons learned?

• Obedience is better than forgiveness. Had I not been obedient, and had I not valued my children learning the Word over stuff, I would have missed the blessing. He wants our obedience and I should strive for that, rather than relaxing and then asking forgiveness.
  
• God's Timing and My Timing. Had we stayed home, I would've missed a blessing that provided for the medicine my girls needed that night. Had we stayed home, my need in the time in which I needed it would not have been met; it would have been delayed. Sure, it would've still been a blessing, but the extra "punch" of God meeting my need, exactly when I needed it would've been lost.
  
• When you work as unto God, He will use anything, even people, to love on you.
  
• God's love extends beyond anything I do or don't do. It goes beyond my failures and confirms that He is a loving Father. No, I will definitely fail, disappoint or hurt Him, but He loves me more than all that.

Nearly a week later, I'm still blown away. And thankful. And overwhelmed by God's crazy, extravagant, exuberant love.

Prayin' & Cleanin'

Sorry I've been away for so long.

My thyroid has been a bit out of whack, thus making me exhausted. The van broke down (still isn't fixed). A friend loaned us a vehicle to take little one to her annual appointments in Cincinnati. A few days after we got home, I got sick and it lasted all week.

As a result, there's so much work (the kind that helps me earn money) and house work (the thankless kind) and laundry (how on earth does it multiply so quickly) that I have hardly any time to write. I've been trying to pray when I'm cleaning. Kind of unloading on the Creator of the Universe. We'll see what happens with that.

I've been trying to get up the past few days about a half hour earlier than I normally do. It didn't take this morning. I'll keep trying and hoping that I find my rhythm... the one wherein I get daily time with God, daily time to write, get all the housework caught up/done, and my earning income work done.

It's been a long, uphill battle. Still not there, but trudging through.

On the upside, it's looking a lot like Fall outside, which is serving as inspiration to get the housework caught up so the Fall decorations can be put up. Christmas is less than 3 months away and I keep hoping that THIS year, my home will be organized and ready for the holidays by December 1st.

Is this how God feels when we repent?

So.

It's been quiet. The reasons are the same as always. Busy life = quiet blog. I've written several posts, actually, but they never made it from my brain to the computer screen.

Another reason is, I'm in a bit of a funk. I've debated about whether to write about it here, or to just sit and wait until the clouds in my mind finally drift off.

The past few weeks have been challenging as summer break ended and school routines began again. This was my first post-school year summer, and many parents can attest to the bickering that commences about 2 or 3 weeks after school has dismissed for the summer. It lasts until the day they go back. I've never been one to wish my children away, nor have I been one to count down the days until school, but I must admit relief at the reprieve school has offered.

Tonight, my youngest was being super sweet. Uber sweet would probably be a better description. She was settling down for the night, her forehead covered with corkscrew curls that would fall in her eyes had they not been coiled tighter by the humidity. She suddenly sat straight up and began apologizing for all kinds of things: for breaking the zebra on the Noah's Ark her grandmother gave her, for breaking the jewelry box my grandmother had given her, for hurting her sister's feelings and for hurting me (physically. She has extra sharp elbows and has a gift for finding my c-section incision, a bum knee, etc. with them).

I was astonished that she still remembered some of these things; I had long forgotten them.

She had apologized for a couple of those things before. There was no need to apologize again.

I hugged her as tightly as I could and told her that it was OK. That she didn't need to apologize again and again. All I could think was loving her and telling her everything was alright.

A little nudge and heart whisper/thought: Is this the way God sees me when I repent?

Is this how He feels when I come back again and again, apologizing for the same thing?

These precious gifts, revealing secrets of Heaven by just being themselves... by just being their mother, I can see things I couldn't see before.

Post-It Note Tuesday

I just found this. How cute. And perfect for me, especially today.

FINALLY: The Cowgirl Room

Hannah and me in her room when she had just turned 3. She's now 6 1/2.

I'm posting an old photo of Hannah's room before the updates and renovations. For obvious reasons (just look at those walls! Oh wait! This was taken before I tried to remove the textured wallpaper.) I don't have a lot of photos of her room. Between the wallpaper that was partially removed, or the ugly brown cardboard-like material hiding under the wallpaper that had been removed to the... mess, there wasn't a really good reason for me to go snooping around in there with a camera. Too bad, because the before and after photos would have been A-MA-ZING.

For the last year or more, I have wanted to somehow re-do or repair the damage hiding under the textured wallpaper. Warning: If any of you ever buy a house with textured wallpaper, be afraid of what's lurking underneath. Be very afraid.

To say that our budget is tight would be an understatement, and that is one of the main reasons we had not been able to get my oldest daughter's room in order. It wasn't because I didn't want to. No, this mother's heart desperately wanted to create a space where her daughter could play, read, rest and have friends over to enjoy. Over the course of the past year, Hannah has gone from wanting a princess-themed room to a cowgirl-themed room.

A few weekends ago, my mom was in town for a conference. As she was leaving town, she stopped by and we were talking. Then she grabbed some Spackle from the garage, started filling in the damaged places on the wall, and the rest is history.

Dear friends, let me show you Hannah's Cowgirl Room.

This is the view when you first open the door. My Hubby picked out the light switch, which we found at Walmart for less than $3. You can't really tell in this photo, but it's kind of a bronze finish.

This is what you see when you step inside the room. The pink color is Strawberry Float and the brown color is Hot Chocolate; both were bought at Lowe's. I found the dark chocolate valance at Target for $15.






The pale pink bedding was purchased at Home Good's at least a year ago for about $40. It's a very pale pink with tiny white polka dots.







One of the issues we had last school year was Hannah never being able to find her coat or backpack. Problem solved with this handy hook I found at Hobby Lobby which says, "Cowgirls Welcome." Our new routine this coming school year will be hanging her coat and backpack up when she gets home.





This is one of my favorite vignettes in the entire room. It's hard to see the little table, but I found that at a pre-yard sale for $10. I had already had the lamp for many years. The Cowgirl wall plaque and Rodeo Girl picture frame were found at Hobby Lobby for about $6 or $7 each.









We got this cube shelf within the last year at Target when it was on sale (they are regularly $45, I think and we got ours for around $30 if I'm remembering correctly). The canvas cubes are $6 each at Target.










This was my Hubby's dresser when he was growing up. When Hannah was born, we sanded it and painted it green to match her yellow, blue and green "Little Suzy's Zoo" themed nursery. Funny, we had to just sand it again and repaint it brown, which is what it was originally.





The brown boots were a steal at Gymboree, for about $7 or less and were bought to match a cream and white cow print dress, which she has now grown out of. I'm glad they weren't put in with all the consignment items! The little pink and brown Cowgirl box was a Hobby Lobby find and was no more than $8.





See this adorable picture of a beautiful baby on a bed of pink roses? Yep, that's the same beautiful, creative girl in the photo above. She is SO HAPPY with her Cowgirl room. And her Mommy is SO HAPPY that her girl has a place all her own to enjoy.

I would like to get a brown or rust colored barn star, but haven't found any locally and will probably get one the next time I'm in Huntington... I'm sure I'll go to Hobby Lobby, too! While it may not be perfect, it's such an improvement over what it was. But the most important thing is, my girl is happy with her room.

When my mom asked Hannah what her favorite part of her room was, she answered, "Everything."

I'm linking this post to: Anti-Procrastination Tuesdays at New Nostalgia and
Transform Tuesdays at The Pumpkin Patch.

Design

So... I've been thinking about re-doing the look/design of the blog.

I have been using Cutest Blog on the Block for free backgrounds and stuff for a while. I really like their stuff, but am looking for something a bit different. If you know of other sites that have really cute backgrounds for free, please post their link in the comments.

I keep looking at these mom blogs that have a lot of traffic and look really good. And though my group is smaller and more intimate, I'd like to have a really nice looking blog. I do admit to liking (loving) changing with the seasons. I've thought about buying someone's services... I had seen a package for seasons on another blog. We'll see. I can't see sinking money into the blog unless it's making money.

Any suggestions?

Baby Be Blessed Giveaway

Hey friends, just wanted you to know that Baby Be Blessed is giving away a gift certificate for one doll or stuffed animal. Details are here:

http://babybeblessed.blogspot.com/2010/08/yayfree-friday.html

As I've mentioned before, I'd loooooove to get one for my girls. Even if I don't win a gift certificate, I'm going to budget enough money to get one for each girl. I love that they are handmade. But even more, I love that each doll or stuffed animal is personalized for each boy or girl. You can choose a Bible verse yourself, or you may use one they suggest.

Hop on over to their blog and do all you can to be entered in the drawing, too.

Jesus Loves Me

Obviously, Jesus loves me. He loved me enough to step out of Heaven and onto earth, becoming a man to die on the cross so that my sins would be covered by a perfect sacrifice, so that I could come to know the Father.

That alone is more than my mortal mind can comprehend.

Because He loves me, He cares for me. What matters to me matters to Him, too.

Last week, I was invited to and attended a party. You know the type, where basically, a bunch of ladies gather to hear another lady talk about the products she is selling and the party guests buy things. Their hostess is often awarded gifts based on the amount sold at her party.

The party I attended last week was a good one. There were really lovely things for the home and I could easily go through and mark many things I'd love to use in our home once all the painting is finished. And once I could afford it.

I even considered becoming a consultant.

I attended another party last night with the same basic principles. The themes for this party were purses and jewelry. The hostess said that I shouldn't feel pressured to buy anything. But I couldn't, anyway, so that kind of alleviated any pressure. :-)

I only went to the party to mingle with neighbors, to get out of the house. I'm not a purse girl, so that didn't appeal to me as much. Besides, I didn't really dig the pink designer-like purses that were so plentiful.

I'm not really a jewelry person, either. I used to wear only my wedding set, when I could still wear them. When I wear jewelry, it's usually the same silver hoops or a silver bracelet. Nothing fancy. Not a lot and not very often.

I saw a set that I liked. But, you know. So, I was going to leave when they were gathering for a game. I felt as though I should stay. I did, and in doing so won $25 worth of free jewelry. Funny, it was the exact amount I needed for these:

It's not a big thing or even a remotely important thing. For the next month, the most important things to me will be getting school clothes for my oldest and birthday party supplies and presents for my youngest. No, this was a small thing. A small, lovely, beautiful thing that I like. But in reading this book, I'm realizing that God appreciates those lovely, beautiful things, however small or seemingly insignificant, and He put in me the desire for beauty, inside and out.

A little love wink, straight from Heaven.

Whitney Houston - Jesus Loves Me - HQ Live

Why the silence

It's been well over 2 weeks since I've posted anything. I haven't posted anything because there's not much to write about. My thoughts are often focused on our not-so-great financial situation. I'm trying to be patient in the new work-from-home venture, hoping for more hours. We are revisiting the "should Aimee go back to work" discussion. All these things make for boring and depressing blog fodder.

The current projects on hold are H's room and getting A in to a "big girl" bed, primarily, then the continuation of interior painting throughout, getting the carpet cleaned and finally finishing the bathroom. Money, money, money. A feeling of not enough. A wondering if we'll ever get there, our heads more than barely above water, of not always being behind or waiting, but of being in the place we want to be, a place that is not so stressful and is so much more enjoyable without all the heaviness of debt, want and need hanging over our heads.

Scared Stiff

In my previous life (read: before I had children), I worked full-time. Mostly, I liked it. By the time my oldest child was born when I was nearly 26, I had held jobs in a wide variety of places, giving me an excellent background and great resume-worthy experience.

When my oldest was born, I wrestled with whether or not to return to work. The company for which I work allowed for up to 6 months of short-term leave, but in the end, we decided we wanted me home. With a heavy heart, I submitted my resignation letter. I just hated to leave such a great company.

I stayed home with my oldest for 17 months, until our finances dictated that I must return to full-time work immediately. I can't tell you how much heavier my heart was to leave my child in daycare to go to work. I missed out on so much of her little-ness. Even after she was 2, then even when she was 3, there were mornings when she would cry to stay home with me.

How many mornings did I arrive at work with pink, tear-stained eyes?

I landed a job with a wonderful company and was there all of 4 months before I [finally] got pregnant with my youngest daughter. I had wanted to work for this company for a long time and I think they were the best people and company that I ever worked for. I adored working there. They were so wonderful to me during my high-risk pregnancy, and even though they knew I would likely not return, they loved on me and supported me the entire time. My heart sank when our pediatrician told me to resign my position, given that my baby had an NG tube down her nose for feedings and that there are no daycare facilities in my area that can take care of medically needy babies.

I left the work force with no idea when I might return. I thought about when I might go back to work, but it all depended on how well the little one was. Well, you know the answer to that! She's a fireball full of activity. No delays. Aside from her shoe lifts, no needs whatsoever.

But have you tried to find a job lately? Wowza.

I talked about trying to work from home, but most of the time, there were costs associated, if not for membership or training, then for equipment or services needed to complete the work. It looked like a daunting, impossible task.

A friend of ours recently posted a job. He owns his own biz and after we chatted about what the company needs, Hubs and I decided to try it on, walk around in it, see how it fits.

(And to my friend, Angie, I think this is the kind of thing you've been trying to tell me about for the past year. You are the wisest of us, dear friend.)

So, dear friends, one of the reasons I've not been online as much or as chatty on the blog as much is because I've been working! From home. Praise God and Please, Help Me, Jesus!

I'm just really getting started this week and besides getting acquainted with the websites/applications I'll be using, I've been learning valuable lessons. First of all, I seriously need to look up the blogs that have time management worksheets and find one/some for Work-From-Home-Moms. The thought of scheduling my evenings is a bit scary.

Second of all, if this works out, I think I may forget about going back to get my Master's degree in Education in order to pursue teaching and focus on working from home. That's a big IF. But if it works out, I would be able to be involved at the girls' school and be there as often as possible without having to take time off from a conventional job. I'm thinking of all the pro's while wondering what hurdles I may face along the way.

But for now, I'm taking it one task at a time.

After nearly 3 years of being a Stay-At-Home-Mommy, and after thinking and talking about working from home for about 2 years, I'm finally doing it.

Your prayers would be so appreciated! :-)

I want these.

For my kids, of course!

http://networkedblogs.com/4ema9

http://www.wildolivetees.com/tees/wild-olive-kids/

Great for kids' birthdays or for Christmas.

On finishing the Race with Endurance

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. - Hebrews 12:1, NLT

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. - 2 Timothy 4:7, NLT

Anti-Procrastination Tuesdays are continuing at New Nostalgia and I must admit, it's been hard for me to see AP Tuesdays come and go without my major projects getting complete. I have to confess that I have been fighting anxiousness, as you could probably tell from my previous 2 posts.

I'm glad that our Father is still working on me and that, in due time, things will be finished. Both around the house and in my heart.

How is it that I'm 32 years old, but am still as impatient as I was at age 5?

I'm happy to tell you that a few items off my Doozey List have actually been completed! They are:

• Chore Chart for my Oldest Daughter (Thank you, Handipoints, for giving us an interactive chore chart and a reward system she enjoys! And it's F-R-E-E!)
• Sending cards to friends and family
• Attend a women's Bible study group
• Schedule appointments for my youngest daughter for her specialists @ Cincinnati Children's Hospital
• Paint Formal Living Room/Dining Room (MANY thanks to my Hubby!!!)
• Make homemade strawberry jam

When I stop and really think about it, things ARE getting done. Little things (except the painting, that's a big one!). But the little things add up and it will start coming together the way I want it to. I know that. I have to keep telling myself that.

And I'm working on enjoying the moments. Like picking strawberries with my daughters and making homemade strawberry jam. It was SO much fun!

At some point, I'll be able to post my before and after photos on AP Tuesdays. I'll be able to show off the fruits of all the waiting and all the labor.

But for now, I'll settle for the little things. And I'll be enjoying them, one baby step at a time.

Pigging out when I should just wait.

On Sunday, we went to my grandma's house on my mom's side for a cookout to celebrate my cousin's birthday. She's the "baby" of the cousins; her mom was my grandparents' baby and she's been in Heaven for almost 12 years. We still do cookouts or dinners for birthdays as often as we can.

Church went long on Sunday and I had some nursery stuff to do before we could leave. We were leaving church around the time the cookout was beginning and we still had about a two hour drive ahead of us. The girls were hungry and though I preferred to wait, we went ahead and stopped at a drive-thru to get something to "tide us over" until we got there.

The only thing is, the junk we got drive-thru fare didn't just tide us over; it filled us up. So much so, that when we finally got to where we were going, we weren't hungry. That sucked, because friends, you have no idea what wonderfulness sits on your plate when my mother, grandmother and aunts have prepared it. My husband is a fan. Seriously, he tells everyone how great my mom's, grandmother's and aunts' cooking is. My goal this summer, God help me, is to spend time with each of them, or even just one of them, to learn how to make my favorites. And believe me, the best way to learn is to sit at the feet of the master and take it all in.

Worse still is the fact that I can get the junk Burglar Queen any time. All the time. But the homemade wonderfulness? Not so much. It's an extra special treat. You want to savor it. Take your time with it. Make it last as long as possible. Take home leftovers, if there are any.

I thought about how often I am like that with just about anything. I'm hungry and I want to Eat. Right. Now. I know better things are waiting, but if I can just have a nibble.... but that nibble turns into a complete meal and I'm left feeling bloated and overfull, and regretful that I didn't wait until The Table, where I could feast on things that are truly wonderful and fill not only my physical hunger, but my spiritual hunger as well.

I find myself in a season of restlessness. I am in the process of several things right now, some spiritual and some physical. For example, I am in the process of redoing our front living room and dining room. Hubby just installed the new hardware and curtains, having to first remove the old hardware for the drapes his grandmother had custom-made probably 25 years ago. There was a time when it was vogue to have the "pulley" drapes, but now, it just makes the house look dated. After repairing an interesting "fix" to help the hardware be more stable (long story involving a bracket, some nails and the stud in the wall), he had to repair the wall, let the Spackle dry, then install the new hardware. And me? I'm sitting on the sidelines anxiously wondering when he'll be finished. Though I appreciate him being meticulous to make sure it's as close to perfect as possible, I just want it done already. The paint has been bought, but isn't on the walls yet. I have found a website to purchase real wood frames for a great price, but will not buy them yet, partly from not wanting to get them to lay around and partly for the cost, since I'll be buying a lot to accomplish the project. The carpet cleaners are coming in about 2 weeks, after having been rescheduled twice because the walls aren't yet painted. The last thing purchased will probably be the light fixture for the dining room, which will be about $100. I don't know why, but it seems right that it should be the last thing purchased for the re-do.

I think a lesson (THE lesson?) God is trying to teach me is to not be impatient in the process. To stop and breathe, instead of being overly anxious for it all to be done (although, I think me waiting for nearly 2 years for the bathroom to be completely finished is patience enough, don't you?).

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6, NIV

Also, I have learned that one of my M.O.'s when I am feeling overwhelmed is to shut down and quit. I want to see these things through. I want to get to the other side. I want to get where I'm going and feast on the rewards.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. - Hebrews 12:1, NLT

I'm trying to slow down. To take each day, each project and each lesson as it comes. I'm trying to learn to be content with the Right Now, with hope that better things will come, probably not in my time, but in the Intended Time God has set.

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.

I planned on getting so much accomplished!

I planned on finishing the garage. And it's supposed to rain for days.

We planned on saving for a "new to us" car and were hoping to buy one in December or January. Instead, I totaled the family car and we are waiting for a check from Hub's retirement. Definitely not the way we wanted to do it, but we are thankful that we can at least do something.

I planned on picking up our oldest daughter from my parents' house last weekend, on Mothers Day. Hub's work car decided to die by the side of the road and was out of commission for 6 days.

We planned on Hubs painting the front living room, dining room and hallway. We didn't properly plan for the preparation of the walls, but he got a lot done and we were hoping he could get the walls painted on Saturday. But the truck he was driving, a loaner from his dad, quit and he was tied up with that for a good part of the day.

I'm trying not to be, but have felt really overwhelmed the past couple of days. The house is torn upside down, with things being moved or covered with plastic to accommodate the painting I just mentioned. I don't like it when my house is torn upside down. It's chaos and I hate it. I'm praying that Jesus gives me grace and the tools to not get completely blown over with the chaos, the being overwhelmed. I'm praying that somehow, we get it all done. I'm really praying for provision. For peace.

Weird segue, but stay with me...

The past few weeks, I've been reading lots of Christian moms/wives blogs and it seems the topic du jour (du moins?) is being a "good" wife. Sorry... I'm being sarcastic, and I know I shouldn't be. I've been reading a lot about how we should forgive (which we should; I'm not saying we shouldn't). I've read how we can be "hot" for our husbands (seriously? Yeah, this was discussed on one blog.) I've read about how hard we should work to love our husbands and our inlaws and the people who look at us cock-eyed. And I agree. We should do all those things. The Bible tells us how we should love others as ourselves and if we are slapped, we should turn the other cheek. I know that.

But what happens when life happens?

What do we do then?

What happens when people in church leadership abuse innocent children?

What happens when a drunk hits a car loaded with a van full of kids going to church camp?

What happens when our parent/spouse/child/self is diagnosed with a terminal disease?

What then?

If what I'm about to say sounds un-Christian or cynical or mean, I don't mean to be any of those things. I'm asking real questions about real situations that need real answers.

Is it right to tell someone who has been in situations like those mentioned above to "read and pray" and that Jesus will make it all right?

Why aren't we willing to get down in the trenches and get dirty with the people who are down there, helping them to climb out? Why don't we love on them? Why don't we want to get dirty, too? If all we're going to do is take our pretty selves to church and raise our manicured hands in the air as we sing without ever thinking of getting dirty and perhaps chipping one of those nails, what good are we? (Think Todd Agnew's "My Jesus")

People hurt. People suffer. The Bible never promises us that we won't. (Natalie Grant's song "Held" beautifully talks about this.) What astonishes me is people's reactions to their hurting friends or family when hard times come. Even Job dealt with friends who told him to curse God and die. It seems you get one extreme or the other: friends who tell you to read and pray or friends who tell you to curse God and die.

My point is, when people have been through hell and back, we shouldn't kick them while they're down and tell them how spiritual they're supposed to be. Healing can be a process. Healing can be immediate. God chooses how we heal. Some of us can get through the hard stuff unscathed. Some of us need more help.

How about this? How about we let God take care of our hearts. How about us letting God handle how and when we forgive?

Can we just love on people when they're hurting when life.... happens?

The Garage

This past Saturday, my neighborhood hosted its annual Yard Sale. I did ok. The extra cash is nice, but what I was really excited about was getting rid of All. That. Stuff. The last hour of my sale, I had cheap garbage bags and told people to fill 'er up, all for $5 a bag.

You know what this means? Well, first, I cross one item off my Doozey List: Yard Sale. Ha. But it also means I'm even closer to being able to actually park in my garage!

This photo probably looks more like a "before" rather than an "after." But people, y'all have no idea just how jam-packed this garage has been. Friends, it was shameful. Just ask my neighbors.


Now. The See the Rubbermaid container near the bottom of the photo? Yeah, THAT little baby is leaving my house at 5 pm today. (Yay!) And see those boxes over there to the right of the photo, just in front of the white wooden nativity? Those are leaving today, too. (I'm just about clapping my hands with excitement.)

I interrupt this post to wax eloquent about Free Cycle. You must check this site out! It's great for those odd pieces you want to get rid of, or perhaps you have some things you want to get rid of, but it's not enough to warrant a garage sale or a pick-up by your local charity.

Those boxes are full of Christian books that some gracious soul has offered to take off my hands, bless her heart, and I used Free Cycle to advertise the FREE books to anyone who would come pick them up.

Anyway, back to the garage. Oh, before I forget... all those clear Rubbermaid containers? See how they're EMPTY? Yeah. I can hardly stand it!

The garage will be completely finished once my Hubby can go through some boxes full of electronic stuff that I have no clue about. But! I'm giving him a month to do it. After that, they're going to File 13. Maybe that sounds a bit mean, but the way I see it, I can't stop the momentum now. I must finish the garage. I mean, it's almost compulsive at this point. But given that my poor garage has been junked up for about 4 years and that for the past 4 winters, we've had to scrape the car windshields when the snow came, my excitement is totally understandable.

My other Doozey List item: Garage, thisiclose to being finished!

This post is linked to Anti-Procrastination Tuesdays at New Nostalgia.