Pigging out when I should just wait.

On Sunday, we went to my grandma's house on my mom's side for a cookout to celebrate my cousin's birthday. She's the "baby" of the cousins; her mom was my grandparents' baby and she's been in Heaven for almost 12 years. We still do cookouts or dinners for birthdays as often as we can.

Church went long on Sunday and I had some nursery stuff to do before we could leave. We were leaving church around the time the cookout was beginning and we still had about a two hour drive ahead of us. The girls were hungry and though I preferred to wait, we went ahead and stopped at a drive-thru to get something to "tide us over" until we got there.

The only thing is, the junk we got drive-thru fare didn't just tide us over; it filled us up. So much so, that when we finally got to where we were going, we weren't hungry. That sucked, because friends, you have no idea what wonderfulness sits on your plate when my mother, grandmother and aunts have prepared it. My husband is a fan. Seriously, he tells everyone how great my mom's, grandmother's and aunts' cooking is. My goal this summer, God help me, is to spend time with each of them, or even just one of them, to learn how to make my favorites. And believe me, the best way to learn is to sit at the feet of the master and take it all in.

Worse still is the fact that I can get the junk Burglar Queen any time. All the time. But the homemade wonderfulness? Not so much. It's an extra special treat. You want to savor it. Take your time with it. Make it last as long as possible. Take home leftovers, if there are any.

I thought about how often I am like that with just about anything. I'm hungry and I want to Eat. Right. Now. I know better things are waiting, but if I can just have a nibble.... but that nibble turns into a complete meal and I'm left feeling bloated and overfull, and regretful that I didn't wait until The Table, where I could feast on things that are truly wonderful and fill not only my physical hunger, but my spiritual hunger as well.

I find myself in a season of restlessness. I am in the process of several things right now, some spiritual and some physical. For example, I am in the process of redoing our front living room and dining room. Hubby just installed the new hardware and curtains, having to first remove the old hardware for the drapes his grandmother had custom-made probably 25 years ago. There was a time when it was vogue to have the "pulley" drapes, but now, it just makes the house look dated. After repairing an interesting "fix" to help the hardware be more stable (long story involving a bracket, some nails and the stud in the wall), he had to repair the wall, let the Spackle dry, then install the new hardware. And me? I'm sitting on the sidelines anxiously wondering when he'll be finished. Though I appreciate him being meticulous to make sure it's as close to perfect as possible, I just want it done already. The paint has been bought, but isn't on the walls yet. I have found a website to purchase real wood frames for a great price, but will not buy them yet, partly from not wanting to get them to lay around and partly for the cost, since I'll be buying a lot to accomplish the project. The carpet cleaners are coming in about 2 weeks, after having been rescheduled twice because the walls aren't yet painted. The last thing purchased will probably be the light fixture for the dining room, which will be about $100. I don't know why, but it seems right that it should be the last thing purchased for the re-do.

I think a lesson (THE lesson?) God is trying to teach me is to not be impatient in the process. To stop and breathe, instead of being overly anxious for it all to be done (although, I think me waiting for nearly 2 years for the bathroom to be completely finished is patience enough, don't you?).

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6, NIV

Also, I have learned that one of my M.O.'s when I am feeling overwhelmed is to shut down and quit. I want to see these things through. I want to get to the other side. I want to get where I'm going and feast on the rewards.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. - Hebrews 12:1, NLT

I'm trying to slow down. To take each day, each project and each lesson as it comes. I'm trying to learn to be content with the Right Now, with hope that better things will come, probably not in my time, but in the Intended Time God has set.