So, some of you are wondering about the state of The Burn, and I can report that it is healing, ever so slowly. To you "skin pickers," (shiver) I can tell you that there hasn't been a great deal of peeling, but rather, crusting (sorry, TMI, I know). I've been really concerned about all this and am trying to get in to see a dermatologist before the beginning of next year (yes, literally. If they are good, they are booked solid unless you're an established patient).
In the meantime, I have been focusing a lot of attention on a project which is going to be
so worth it when it's over. I have hired a professional organizer to help me clean out the garage. My plan is to start with the garage and then move to the house. This will probably be a summer-long project, I hate to say, but my hope is that when this is finished, life will be better.
Heather over at Dooce.com wrote a
really great post, part of which I'm going to include here because she says what I've been feeling better than I could:
I want to be a better wife, a more conscious and present mother, a more loyal friend, and a better listener. I'd like to handle my anxiety better. I also want to be more organized because I'm tired and fed up with not being able to find anything. Many times that anything is my head.Some of you who know me know that I've never been organized or the best at keeping things straight, but there was a time that I could actually find what I was looking for because 1. I could remember and 2. Things weren't as out of control as they have been here for the past who knows how long.
Part of why the house is the chaotic mess it is, is we moved from a house with a full-size basement to a house without a basement at all. There isn't a lot of storage and the kitchen here is microscopically tiny, with no room to store a full set of pots and pans and a few baking sheets. I learned that having a full-size basement is potentially dangerous, as it offers ample room to throw old, outdated, unwanted stuff because you just pitch it down there and never realize the enormous pile that has surmounted in the lower level of the house. I had wanted to purge most of the basement collection before we moved, but that is a long story which I cannot tell for reasons I cannot tell, so let's just skip over that.
Last summer, I was no good around the house. I had started to experience symptoms of pre-eclampsia in late June and/or early July, so all I was supposed to do was come home after work and lay on my left side. While I spent the summer as Shamu beached on the couch, the mess in the house got worse. My husband kept things going, but things have accumulated for so long, it just never ends.
When we brought Abbie home from Cincinnati, our energy was entirely focused on her care and feedings (you have no idea how long NG tube feedings can take!) and the care and feeding of Hannah as well. Then, there was surgery and recovery.... let's just put it this way: since we got home in September, I didn't do much in the way of deep cleaning our home. I took care of my kids and that was pretty much it.
Sometime in the new year (I honestly cannot remember when), I told my therapist that I needed to do something about my house, that the stuff we've amassed is just closing in on me and that I physically felt crowded. I hate that feeling and have been trying, in meager attempts, to do what needs doing and purge all the things we no longer use or want. Hence, the yard sale in early May.
Please know that our house is nothing like what was depicted on
Oprah when she did a show about hoarding. No where close. But, I don't want to even lean in that direction, so I want to get the matter of our clutter under control ASAP.
It's easy for me to get off task, and loving on my babies is always much more fun than cleaning. Then one day a few weeks ago, I decided
enough is enough. I saw an ad in the newspaper and called the lady to come over for an estimate. She and I have been working to clear out the garage, which is already inspiring me to forge ahead in our home.
Can we really afford
paying someone to come to our home to keep my nose to the grindstone so that our garage is finally a place where we can park our car and find lawn equipment? No, not really. It is a sacrifice to do it. But I counter: Can we really afford
not to do this? My answer is emphatically, no, we cannot afford to not do this, because as Heather stated above, I want better for my kids, for my home and for myself.
In making my case for this to my husband, I said:
I want better for our kids. I want them to be able to have their friends over whenever, without having to have a huge cleaning spree right before. I want to be able to open our door without cringing when someone knocks on our door. I want to be able to invite someone in when they stop by unannounced and be really ok with the way the house looks. I want to be able to find the things I need and want to find. I want to know where things are. I want peace, calm, order and structure for our home. I want better for all of us.
So, dear friends, the reason my blog has been neglected is because I'm finally taking care of other things that have been neglected for far too long. While I love communicating with you and while I love writing about life, living life and providing a better life for myself and my kids is what's really important. I know you understand. I'll be back soon. But, as with the sunburn, without photos. ;-)
